Don’t be a people pleaser
I have always been a people pleaser. Growing up I have always been told to respect authority, any adults basically. Teachers, parents, pastors, bosses and even doctors. When I was in third grade in school we were always told to be quiet. I was so afraid to talk because I didn’t want to get in trouble. I wouldn’t speak even when it was allowed. I was in chorus in third grade and got the chorus award and I literally never spoke. I especially did not sing.
Fast forward 20 years later.. I still have moments where when I need to ask a question to a parent, I need to ask permission from a manager, my pastor asks me how I am doing. I get nervous that I am in trouble and sometimes feel the need to agree.
Labor is not the time to be a people pleaser. It is not your job to please those around you, you do not just need to agree because your doctor recommends something. Remember that your doctor or midwife works for you. So technically the roles should be reversed; they should be trying to please you.
This is why it is so important to hire the right birth team. Hire people who have your best interest at heart, hire people who want to please you!
I always have to bite my tongue when someone says their plan is to go with the flow, to not have a plan, and to basically just surrender their body to their provider. We have been raised in a society that believes doctors have authority over everything, including your body, but who are they to think they know your body better than you do. Because of this we have lost touch with our intuition, we have become people pleasers who just go along with whoever is “in charge” at that moment.
You do not need to surrender to them, you have a say on the care you receive. It’s okay to have a plan and preferences when it comes to your birth and it’s okay to stick up for those preferences. It's okay to tune into your intuition and follow what your body knows to do.
This is why it is so important to hire the right birth team. Hire people who have your best interest at heart, hire people who want to please you! Take time to do your research, ask the hard questions and interview as many people as you want. Find someone who you trust wholeheartedly and someone who respects and trusts your intuition!
I’m still learning how to trust my intuition, not ask for permission and speak up. It will always be a work in progress but the more I do it the easier it gets. It can be hard but I believe in you and we break the mold together!
Do you need help finding a birth team that works for you? Click here to download a free guide to help you take charge of your birth. Learn how to fire, hire and find a birth team that works for you!
